Tick Tock, Drip Drop
by Gunpowder Cookies
Summary: Ultear can't decide whether she hates water or just hates herself.


**AN: I wrote this in one night. Don't expect quality.**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail because seriously, I am nowhere near as evil as Trollshima._

* * *

She's everywhere.

She's in every raindrop, every snowflake, every plant, every breath, every person.

It took a long time for Ultear to get her head around this concept. Water comes from the sea. It evaporates into the skies. It falls as rain, as snow, as hail. It soaks into the trees, the soil, the rivers and the streams. Humans and animals drink this water. Water is everywhere. It is the basis of all life on Earthland.

Some days, Ultear has hope. Hope that, one day, she can become powerful enough to save Ur from the water, to return her to a human form. But the more that she thinks about it, the more difficult it seems. By this point, Ur is omnipresent. Could Ultear ever hope to gain the ability to salvage her mother? To hunt down what remains of her, to remove what is now an interwoven part of the fabric of the planet? Ultear is already a capable mage, far more able than most, and she is confident in her abilities; but she doesn't think it would be possible for her to scour the entire world.

She could in a perfect world, a world of magic, the world that Master Hades once dreamed of. And it would be easy, so temptingly facile, for Ultear to go back to those times. To turn away from the light and run – no more slow pacing – down that path. Hoping that one day, once those lacking magic either perished or lived with pain and suffering, those remaining dwelling in the ruins of civilisation, her Arc of Time magic would reach its peak.

Of course, there was no question as to whether Ultear would ever do that. She made that decision seven years ago, and she'd be damned if she went back on her word for the fifty millionth time. This is for many reasons- the loss of her blind hatred, the friends she has made, the cleansing of her soul.

But the primary reason is because she knows her mother wouldn't appreciate it. Would Ur want to regain a physical form if the first thing she saw was the twisted, warped villain who had doomed innocents: her own daughter? And even if she was able to travel back into past, to undo all her wrongs and go back to make her childhood a happy one, could Ultear herself live with blood on her hands and conscience?

Not a snowball's chance in hell.

So Ultear will continue to walk the path of light, even if it does tear up her heart every time it rains, or every time she hears the whispering call of a flowing river. Jellal and Meredy understand, and they never comment on how mopey she becomes in wet weather, how she does her best to avoid routes that involve large bodies of water. They've got their issues and she has hers: none of them are in a position to judge.

Ultear has two ways to interpret Ur's constant presence. One side is positive: Ultear is never alone. Ur will never die. She is immortal, she is unlimited. The other reminds Ultear of what she'll never have- a mother's embrace. That Ur can only spectate. That Ultear will forever live with a reminder of her sins.

Maybe that's why she can't decide whether she hates water, or just hates herself.

* * *

It's completely against her agenda to be out here tonight. Here, standing in the sea when the rain pours down. But Ultear is in an odd state at the moment. Physically tired from such extensive use of her magic – activating second origin isn't easy – but emotionally exhausted from the events of that day.

For the past seven years she's had momentum and has always been occupied. There was always a dark guild to infiltrate, a mage to take down. She forever had a task on hand. But today, when she met Fairy Tail, something felt odd. Like her time was up and now she has to face the past again. And her sins have come back to haunt her in the form of humans she has wronged.

She needed to cry, but she wouldn't. So she somehow ended up sitting in the sea shallows, in a secluded little bay, with the rain pouring down. Jellal and Meredy's presence was too clammy, too distracting.

Ultear tilted her head up to the sky. She knew the science behind rain, but it still felt like the skies were crying. Out of what? Shame? Grief? Frustration? She wished she was that water mage girl, the one she had almost killed back on Tenrou island before Gray's intervention. That girl could probably feel the emotion in the water.

She'd like to be friends with that girl. But since their first point of contact was Ultear almost stabbing her, it probably wouldn't work out.

The black haired young woman shivered. It was summer, but here in the small hours of the morning the water was at a low temperature. She felt it against her skin, lapping at her legs. She rested her head on her knees which were just above water level. It would probably be a smart idea for her to either curl up small to insulate heat or to just get out of the water before she got sick, but Ultear couldn't bring herself to move. She wasn't exclusively an ice mage, but her ice make abilities would hopefully prevent her from catching a cold.

Around her the water sighed, its gentle waves hardly a disturbance. A weird sort of lullaby that sent her to sleep.

* * *

_In the frozen mountains sits a little girl. She is wearing little – only a thin dress – and suffering for it. Even in this cave, with a pathetic little fire, she is freezing. Everything is numb, from the tips of her toes to the crown of her head, from her skin to the deepest depths of her heart. It's got to the point that she doesn't recognise it as cold anymore, just a dull presence that gives her body such density equivalent to that of lead. Even if she were to use her wispy, weak flame to set herself on fire, she doubts she'd be able to feel anything._

_She doesn't cry (she thanks her tear ducts for this because frozen water on her cheeks would only intensify the effects of the cold). Her knees are wrapped against her chest and she doubts her muscles have enough energy to move. When she looks down, her fingers are turning an unnatural bluish colour. They are shaking uncontrollably- how come only they can move? – and she uses all her willpower to try and stop them._

_She is ice cold and she feels no pain. Cut off from the world. No compassion._

_With strength she doesn't know she has, she gets up. It's predetermined somehow, and she is willing to comply. Under her feet, the snow is like knives of pure cold that impale her with every step. What doesn't coat the ground swirls around in a storm with her as the centre. Here, in this strange dream-world that could pass as reality, she can see the patterns of each individual snowflake. They are breathtakingly beautiful, although all breath is frozen in her lungs anyway._

_Her arms slowly stretch outwards, reaching for them, but they dance past her. She frowns and starts running after them, but she remains the eye of the storm._

_That is until someone calls for her. "Ultear!"_

_She is no longer a little girl. Somewhere during the storm she matured and grew into a woman. And now, hand in hand in front of her stand two females that she knows all too well._

_Meredy, only a child, runs to Ultear and stands on tip toes to try and hug her. "It's so cold!"_

"_Yeah. It's cold." A voice she knows better than she thought she did._

_This time, Ultear can't hold back the tears. They freeze, crystal paths down her cheeks._

* * *

"Ultear!"

She opens her eyes. By now it is early morning and her limbs are stiff. Ultear manages to turn her head and look into Meredy's concerned face. "You'll catch a cold!"

"You know I'm made of tougher stuff. Besides, there are benefits to learning Ice make magic."

Meredy shakes her head. "Come on. The Grand Magic games are starting. We're watching over, remember?"

"Yep." She gets up before pausing. Slowly, she raises a damp hand to her cheek. "Why am I crying?"

The pink haired girl shrugs. "You probably got sea salt in your eyes.

When her back is turned, Meredy is quick to wipe her own tears before Ultear can see them.

_Thank you. _The sea whispers.

The sensory link is broken.

* * *

She's everywhere. Every person, place and thing. From the tallest trees to the most insignificant weeds. From the streams to the roaring seas.

Ultear is forever within her mother's embrace.


End file.
